Sunday, 17 November 2013

The Great Experiment or the 'God Game'*

I want to tell you about the greatest, most beautiful, life changing experiment that I am giving a go.

It is called The Great Experiment. And it is truly GREAT!!! This experiment will rock your world if you engage it with sincerity.

I first heard about this experiment from Jesus. You can try all by yourself where ever you are in the entire world or spirit world!


This is what you do:

You ask God for some love - as a feeling, with your soul or what you might call a 'heart felt desire' or a longing/prayer, like when you really, really want something and you feel it.

Even if you don't believe in God you can still try the experiment.

The experiment requires you to be truthful with yourself and with God.

So you might not believe in God, or you might think or believe all manner of things about God, this is okay you can still ask God for love and this process will work through the issues that we have with God. Now when you ask you need to be sincere and it needs to be a feeling, so asking from your soul or your heart if you like. Mere intellectual thought and head asking is not going to work very well. But you can try this too to find out for yourself.

Over the last few months I have begun to actually ask God for love (over and over again**), it began as recorded below:

'Hi God, okay so I don't think I am that lovable and I don't know if I actually believe you are going to give me any love but if you do have Love to give me, like I have heard you have, could I have some? Please? (I thought being polite would help, smile, it also highlighted some injuries & fears I have)

I waited.
Nothing.
I said it again.
Nothing.
I got up huffily and went and got busy for a while and then it dawned on me, 'Ahhh I don’t receive love very well from most people or I am pretty demanding and expectant about it, I have issues with love so I probably need to take a look at my beliefs and feelings about love if I am going to actually be able to receive Love from God'.

After discovering I have issues & blocks to Love I discovered*** that I also have issues with God and so I needed to firstly find out what I really believed and felt about God. As I am longing for God’s Love, both God and Love are worth investigating about how I feel about them so I asked myself some questions.

Self Reflection Questions I wrote down:
  • What are my beliefs about love?
  • Do I want to love?
  • Do I want to be loved?
  • How does God love?
  • What is love?
  • What is God's love like? (obviously I don't know personally, so what have I heard about it so far from reliable sources - like Jesus, Mary, friends I know who have experienced God’s Love and people in General who seem to have a love for God and who feel God is loving - I used these as a starting point, I am going to need to feel this out for myself but I needed some positive things to begin with)
  • What do I see as Love and is it really love?
  • What do my parents see as love?
  • What do my friends -past & present - see as love?
  • What does society and the world at large in general feel about love?
  • What are my beliefs about God?
  • What do I really feel God is like?
  • What have I been told God is like from parents, friends, school, religion, society in general and the world at large?
  • What is my actual real view of God as I am now, not things I have heard but what do I really feel about God and Love right at this time? 
  • There are heaps more questions that have come up and some I have investigated and some I still need to feel about. Often I revisit the questions as often when I intellectually answer them they are quite different to when I emotionally answer them.

I Borrowed Questions (Mary's reflection Questions):


  • “What beliefs do I have about God that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What beliefs do I have about myself that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What stops me longing for the Love all the time?”

Then I tried the experiment again, and again and again and each time I have discovered something about myself through the process.

This began as an intellectual exercise. It is growing into a feeling exercise. A first hand experience of my own, and I reckon that is what it is about, experiencing it for yourself. Not taking anyones word for it but giving it a go for yourself because you want to.

I hit points where I get frustrated as I am not getting any Love - due to blocking it out, and I feel like I am useless and wasting my time and that maybe it is all a charade. I have had self pitying tantrum cries about that and reflected back and this is what I noticed:
  • Since longing for God’s Love I have noticed more things about myself in the shortest amount of time in comparison to the rest of my life and have also begun getting memories, first intellectually and then with feelings and emotions attached to them a few days after the initial remembering. 
  • Since longing for God's Love I am seeing that a lot of the issues I thought were God's problems or others problems are actually about myself and feelings within myself creating them.
Reflecting on this I began to feel excited because longing for God's Love is exposing all the things that are standing in the way of me being close to God (& ironically to others also). I feel like I have a whole heap of blocks to God and each time I ask for God's Love I find out something more about myself and the blocks/false beliefs/fears/addictions etc I am holding onto and valuing more than an open heart ready to receive Love.

So I am figuring that longing for God's love is the fast track and I don't have to try, it has relieved some of the pressure I place on myself. something comes up every time I sincerely long for the Love and it feels like no effort on my part to find it out or know it, it is just immediately there, instantly. If it doesn't happen that way now I ask myself if I was actually wanting to know or just intellectually thinking I did.

I am finding now that often I will ask for God's love and a memory will come and I will have  tears, this is also exciting for me as I am re-learning how to feel and re connect to myself having been disassociated for such a long period of time and having been terrified to feel any of my own emotions. I still am afraid of my emotions but I am beginning to check these fears out as well and get specific with my fears rather than just have a general fear cloud that I keep my head stuck in.

I am arrogant and resistant to God and God's process. I want, and weirdly believe, that I am some how safer and able to protect myself. I realise, intellectually, this is not true and is proved not true so many times each day to me. I have been opening up to more feelings of being sexually abused and I have realised that I am not going to be able to work through those feelings fully without God and His Love, I need God and I find that scary as I don’t want to need anyone. I also have been really demanding of God's Love and had to realise this about myself as well as wanting God to do the process for me instead of me taking responsibility and wanting to feel through the issues inside of myself with God just along side of me.

Longing for God's love is one seriously cool adventure and though I can't say I am always enthusiastic about seeing my true self because I still judge her, I am excited in reflecting back at how EVERY time I have longed for God's love I have learnt something new, realised something, or opened up to something either immediately or very shortly afterwards (the next day or so). The changes so far in my experiment seem small but they are real, they are mine, and I have even caught myself getting excited about God and wanting to tell people about the Great Experiment, smile.

I haven't been overwhelmed by God's Love - yet, but I don't feel this is because God isn't wanting to Love me now, I feel this is due to my will and that is keeping God's Love from me. 

I wrote this to encourage you to give this experiment a go. To dive in and try the experiment and keep trying it, self reflecting as you go. 

The whole point of the 'Divine Love Path' or 'The Way' is our relationship with God & opening our soul to receive God’s Love. I feel that I have missed that point and wanted it to be about all sorts of other things. But God & God’s Love is key in this process and experimenting with longing for God’s Love is spectacular. It is exposing, it is immediate - when I want it, and it is real. It is taking an action and growing my desire and will. 

It is the only thing that has actually worked and the experiment is so simple and so easy. I have some fears and terrors that I perceive as large and I am realising that if I don’t have a relationship with God I am unlikely to actually feel through those terrors, in fact I know I wont as I haven’t done so yet. So I am experimenting with growing my relationship with God and I will see if that makes a difference with my desire to actually go through the emotions I feel most afraid to feel. 

Have fun and enjoy the beautiful process God created for us to become at one with Him!


*******

More interesting Information on the Great Experiment:

Personal Footnotes:

* We were speaking with a group of kids in the spirit world and they called it the 'God Game' after they had tried it and they wanted to know why everyone didn't know about this and why everyone wasn't playing the 'God Game'

**  I didn't actually try it for ages because I didn't think I was good enough or loving enough. I thought if I wasn't perfect and really great then how could I possibly be given any love, I don't feel loved by my parents so how could God love me if they don't? I believed that out of all God's children I am the one unlovable one, so I just didn't ask for love instead I tried really hard to be better and more loving. It hasn't worked which indicates to me I must have something off inside of me, and so I need to investigate that.

***  I had been told this previous but what I found is that when I actually took the time myself and sat down and longed for the Love it was through my own first hand experience that I knew I had blocks to God and Love and I couldn't pass them off as easily as some moments before.

The Great Experiment:

Interestingly enough I came across a really great transcript and talk Jesus and Mary gave in 2011 while writing this post called:

20110507 Relationship with God: Getting to Know God (given in Melbourne, Australia)
I cannot recommend it enough!! If link doesn't work it can be found on the Divine Truth Website: www.divinetruth.com> downloads>ebooks>Relationship with God: Getting to Know God>PDF>

Also another called: Why we Resist God and there are a whole heap more I am now reading through.


In the Padgett messages we hear from spirits who show perseverance in their prayer life. 
For example, Riddle shares:

And, when I learned that prayer was the only way to this Love, and saw you praying for me with all your heart and in great earnestness, I commenced to pray also; but I must confess that my prayers were not accompanied with much faith. But I continued to pray, and every night when you prayed for me and for the many others who were with you praying, I tried to exercise all the faith possible and prayed for more faith.

This continued for some time, and one day your grandmother……. She assured me that if I would only try to believe, and pray to God to help me believe, He would answer my prayers; and I would soon find that with my earnest efforts, faith would come to me, and with faith would come this Love into my heart, and with this Love would come happiness and joy.

So I listened to her, and tried to believe that what she told me must be true, and that she was interested in me and desired only my happiness. I continued to pray, …..

At last, light came to me, and with it, such an inflowing of Love as I never dreamed could exist, either in the earth or in the spirit world. But it came to me and I felt as if I were a new spirit, and such happiness came as I never experienced before.

The Great Experiment clearly requires patience and perseverance as we develop real faith.




The Greatest Experiment - Letter from Jesus


The Greatest Experiment
If the physical universe is striving towards order, could not it also be the case that the other parts of the universe, not seen by man, the spiritual and soul parts, the other dimensions proven by mathematics to exist, are also striving towards complete order and harmony, not just in a physical context, but also in a moral and spiritual context?
Would it not make sense that if we desire to know the truths about these things as yet unseen by the eyes of most people in the material world, our highest priority should be to find out how to go about contacting the Source of such things, the Creator of this universe?
To contact Him, all we need do is have a soul longing for His Love, and, if that longing is sincere and we have a desire to experience emotions, then our Father’s Love will flow into us, and we shall feel it. Finding God is simplicity itself, so simple in fact that the majority of mankind, mortals and spirits, overlook the only method we have of ever finding Divine Truth, which is made possible by two things; the sincere desire of a man to seek for and feel God and His Love (which we call Prayer), and the overwhelming Passion of God to give all His Children His Love, and have all of His Children come to know Him and experience the joy and happiness of Living in His Love.
This is the Greatest Experiment, and when any person tries it, the experiment often begins tentatively, but ends in complete certainty. God is Reality, and the Love and Truth that comes from Him is Real. When we try the Greatest Experiment, we at that time also begin to live in Reality.
So my brothers and sisters, live in Reality, in our Father’s Love, seek for it, and desire it above all else. Seek first His Love, and all the other things will be added to you.
Although the contents of this message may be well known to you, I hope that you have enjoyed a reconsideration of this information.
With love from your brother,
Jesus

* Borrowed from Mary's blog on the Great Experiment. I agree and am posting this so you can actually read what Jesus said rather than just my own version and experiences. I always feel first hand information is valuable and doesn't get lost in translation or emotional translation, smile. Links to more information below also.

The Greatest Experiment  an letter written by Jesus - full version go to link here or below. http://www.divinetruth.com/PDF/People/JesusMary/Jesus%20The%20Greatest%20Experiment.pdf

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

The Greatest Thing In All The World...

A message from Solomon, received by James Padgett, 20th April, 1916

What is the greatest thing in all the world?

Prayer and faith on the part of mortals; and Love – the Divine Love – on the part of God. The latter is waiting, and the former causes it to enter into the souls of men.
No other truths are so great and momentous to men.
Let what I say sink deep into your memory, and try the experiment. I know you do try, but try and then try and never cease trying. Love will come to you and with It faith, and then knowledge and then ownership.
I could write for a long time, yet, but I must not as you are tired.
So with my love and blessings, I will say good-night, and may the Father’s Love take possession of you.
Your brother in Christ,
SOLOMON


For more information on Receiving God's Love, The Great Experiment or the Padgett messages visit either: www.divinetruth.com or  http://mary.divinetruth.com/category/the-great-experiment/

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Re-Visit

I have been having some disillusionment and doubts come up today. I revisited a post Mary Magdalene wrote some time ago and have found it so helpful in actions I can take to get me closer to what it is underneath rather than stewing in it. The Padgett Message also posted today is really helpful also if feeling 'stuck'.

Thought I would let you know about. If you have a desire to check it our or re-visit it,
Click on the link below:

http://mary.divinetruth.com/2013/03/20/moving-through-the-four-ds-the-great-experiment-series/

A Great Padgett Message


12 Jan 1915

Helen: Confirms writing and is a go-between for Taggart and Harvey.

I am here, Helen:

You must not write to these spirits as we have told you - Yes he said that he knew you on earth and wanted you to help him. I see that he has gone to seek Mr. Taggart, but I don't think that he will be much helped. Yes you may be right, you certainly have a way of accomplishing things. I never thought of that. Well, I will go and see if I can find them, and make them come here, and write you what I hear.

They are here:

Mr. Taggart tells Mr. Harvey that you told him that the way to get out of this condition of darkness and unhappiness is to pray to God, for His Love to enter into their hearts, and believe that it will, that if he will only be willing to have it come into their hearts, it will, but that he has not yet been able to believe. But Mr. Harvey says, that when he was on earth, he was a strict Catholic and that he often prayed something like that and attended to his duties, and even when he made his will, he left some money for the priests to pray him out of purgatory, but all their prayers together have not helped him, and he don't believe that there is any God to whom a person can pray and from whom he can get relief - so that when you talked that way to Taggart, you were merely trying to mislead him as the priests did him. But Mr. Taggart says: George you are wrong there, for our friend does not merely say pray, but he prays with us and for us and seems to believe with all his heart that there is a God and that he will answer prayer. So I am not so certain that there is not a God and one who answers prayers, I am going to try to pray and believe myself and I advise you to do likewise.

Mr. Harvey says:

Taggart it is all nonsense, and if that is the only way we can get out of this condition, we never will be any better than we now are - so you need not tell me of God and prayer.

Mr. Taggart says:

George, I have seen the effect of this prayer on some spirits and I know that they have been made more beautiful and happy, and even Mackay is commencing to say that he sees light ahead and has felt some strange influences come into his heart as he said a prayer, which he promised our friend to say. Now what is the use in your being pig headed and say that there is no God, when you don't know anything about it. I tell you though, there must be something in this belief or I would not see so many happy spirits around us. Be a man who can keep his mind open to what he sees and the reasons therefore may come to you. Let us not become hardheaded in this matter. As you were so easy to believe on earth what your priests told you about purgatory and the hells and the necessity for you to pay for prayers to help you out of purgatory, why can't you try to believe a little when the same thing is told you without your having to pay for it? I am going to try my best to believe and if you know what is best for you, you will follow suit.

Mr. Harvey, says:

Taggart, what is the use of being fooled twice, once is enough for me. Priests are here with me and suffering more than I am, and when I ask them why don't they pray themselves out of purgatory, they say: "To hell with prayer." Now how am I to believe anything that is told me about prayer or God?

Mr. Taggart says:

George, Let your priests and their sufferings and their cursings pass out of your mind, and listen to me for a moment. When I came over, I was in great darkness and despair, and believed that there was no possible help for me and that I must remain in the condition of darkness that I found myself in, but one day I was called to meet our friend by his father, and when I came where he was I found that Mackay was there also, and then we exchanged greetings, and wished each other happiness. But I found that there was no happiness for me and I told our friend that I was anything but happy; and he said believe in God's Love and you will soon be, and I said, who is God and what is His Love; and then he explained to Mackay what that love is, and I heard it all; and then I tackled him and told him that God was a myth and prayer was nothing but the wish of a man and went no higher than his mind.

But he would not agree with me and we had an argument right then and there, and I tell you that while he did not convince me that there was a God or any efficacy in prayer, yet it made me think and wonder if I could be wrong and he right; and before I left him, not only Mackay, but myself promised that we would try an experiment in the nature of prayer and we have been doing it many times since, and I tell you, that while I am not yet convinced that there is a God, or that prayer to Him will take us out of our awful conditions of suffering and darkness, yet I have felt many strange sensations, and at times, some little feeling of happiness, which I had never felt before; so you can see, I would be a fool not to try and get this relief, if I possibly can. And I want to tell you George, that if you are willing to make the effort with us we will be glad to have you come. Of course you need not believe if you don't want to, but just come and join with us in our experiment and you will soon realize that there is something operating that you cannot account for. Mackay is now feeling very much happier he says; and I believe that he will soon believe in this God and his love that our friend told us about; at any rate he is commencing to improve in his appearance, and I attribute it to trying the experiment I told you of. So what is the use in holding back and saying that there is no God and no love that can get you out of your condition of which you complain so much, when by the exercise of a little reason and will, you may be on the right track to salvation. Of course I don't know just what this may lead to, but I have determined to follow it to a conclusion, and you will be a big fool if you don't go with me.

Mr. Harvey said:

Taggart, you were a pretty level-headed man when on earth, and required to have things proved to you, and were really a stubborn man as I know, and what you say impresses me; but you will have to show me what you mean by this experiment. You have not told me what you mean, and of course, until you do, I can't follow you.

Mr. Taggart says:

George, it is a very simple thing. Mackay and I told our friend that we did not believe in God or in his love or in any saviour, and he said; you need not, to do what I want you to try. He said, while there is a God and His love which is the only thing that can save you from sin and make you happy men, yet that God does not force that love on you or make you believe in Him; and only when you are willing to receive that love of your own volition will it come to you. So you see he said it all depends upon your own will, whether you will have that love and the happiness which flows from it or not, and if you will only will that you may believe in God if there be one, and that you may receive that love if such there be, then if you will, will this and say to God, if there be one, that you will that this love shall come into your heart and that this belief shall come into your mind, and repeat this with all earnestness and will, you will find that after a little while, this belief will come to you, and this love will come into your heart. So Mackay and I are desiring to try anything to get out of our condition, and believing that our friend would not intentionally deceive us, promised to say these things, and in that way pray to a God that we did not believe in; and we have continued to repeat these thoughts ever since; and I must confess to you that some strange change or sensation has come to me. What it is, I don't just know, but it is there; and I am determined to continue in this qualified prayer, until I know one way or the other what the result will be. So you see, George, if it does no good, it can do no harm, and if you have desire enough to get out of your condition, you will try the experiment.

Mr. Harvey says:

Well Taggart, there may be something in what you say and I am willing to go with you; for as you say, if it does no good, it can do no harm. So let me hear again what I am to say and I will commence.

Then Mr. Taggart repeated the prayer and they left.

You are too wonderful in your way of getting the attention of spirits who are in darkness to turn their thoughts to things that may help them. And I am so glad that you are helping these spirits, even though you did let Mr. Harvey write. But who knows, maybe such interferences are intended for some good purposes.

So my darling, I love you with all my heart and soul, and must stop writing.

Yes, I will, and will try to talk to him sometime when the proper occasion comes.

So goodnight, my own darling Ned.

HELEN

Note: References message from Harvey (PJE19150112B).

Index: PJE19150112C
Author: Helen Padgett/Taggart/Harvey
Receiver: James E. Padgett
Location: Washington D.C.
Date: 12 Jan 1915
Sources: True Gospel, Vol IV, page 244

Friday, 11 October 2013

Softening...

I feel this is a beautiful quality that often gets a bad wrap.


I have noticed how often I have heard people being condemned for being emotionally 'soft', seen as 'weak'. How often I/we have been praised for being emotionally 'strong' and opinionated (read not feeling my real feelings, numb, not expressing real feelings, stoic, etc). I notice that in Australasian Culture there are many sayings such as 'go hard or go home', 'no pain, no gain', 'don't be a pussy' (I either think of vagina's or fluffy cats), 'toughen up', 'tough love', 'harden up, go drink a glass of concrete', ‘don’t be a girl’ (I am one so this has always been a bit disconcerting as it has always felt like there is something wrong with me and half the world’s population)... There are so many and in the past I have either tried really hard to live up to these to gain approval or I have rebelled and been angry about it to avoid feeling the grief, sadness, loss and lack of emotional softness in my environment and self. If I am honest with myself I am really sad about the fact that 'softness' and being 'soft' is so crapped upon.

I have had some events in my life over the past year that have highlighted just what it feels like to be around people who are 'hard' and also had feedback on what it feels like to be on the receiving end of 'hardness'. I actually allowed myself to FEEL what it feels like.  It doesn’t feel good, often accompanied with judgement and a lack of compassion, lack of understanding and absence of love.

I was brought up in a house of 'strong' women. I was brought up in a place where harshness was 'normal'. I didn't even realise just how harsh and hard my environment was until recently.

I have locked my heart up and been hard hearted. I am beginning to feel the heart of stone that I have in my chest and am beginning to wonder what a heart of flesh would feel like.

A soft, supple, compassionate, real loving, Open heart.

That, I feel, could be beautiful!

So I just wanted to ‘talk’ with you and mention that it is worth softening, to grow the desire to soften: to be softer with self, others, God, my emotions, all the experiences that are within me, it helps. 

In my experience:
Being hard hurts, me and others
Being hard puts up walls and creates barriers
Emotional hardness creates separation
Emotional hardness creates judgment
Emotional hardness comes from repressed fear and rage,
Emotional hardness causes pain and isolation
Emotional hardness creates a jail that you convince yourself is a ‘safe’ place when in fact it is dangerous, you can’t feel when you are hard, not even yourself.


I feel I have softened a little, beginning with intellectual decision and sincere prayer which has ended up with changes in my heart. It was just a gradual thing that happened and I could actually feel some compassion I reckon for the first time around some issues. It has been through being treated badly and with hardness - feeling this - and having attracted genuine love and kindness into my life (feeling the comparison of these two feelings), that I have realised what it feels like to be around me when I am emotionally hard. I have seen in others what I am myself. It was confronting and a yucky feeling to own that I have been like that to others and I thought it was okay, ‘normal’ even. 

I have seen the effects it had on those who I met and treated harshly, it is not love. I have noticed that what we are exposed to as small children and in the environments we live becomes ‘normal’, no matter how harsh, scary and violent it is. I see that while we remain conditioned and holding onto these crazy so called ‘norms’ we cannot feel what love actually feels like, and we act out what we feel to be acceptable. The process of feeling how it really is has caused me to question a lot of things. I have often prayed for more sensitivity and as it comes I see the stark contrast between what I see as normal and what I am learning about God and God’s love and Way. 

I was writing to a friend the other day and have included some of my thoughts below from the email I sent as I feel they relate to this topic:

“I realise that when I am 'hard' and judgmental (read don't want to feel or even own my fear, don't want to feel my feelings and want to change others instead of myself) that instead of opening up an opportunity to heal it actually closes, shuts down and hinders healing or even realisations in self or another. I see how it is through owning my own feelings and lovingly or even just kindly talking to someone else about things noticed or felt that this can create an opportunity to heal. I see how fear creates such pain, judgement, criticism and distance between my soul and another soul (I also see how I have wanted this in an effort to feel 'safe'. I don't feel safe one little bit). 

I feel the lack of connection, pain and fear etc between women & women and women & men is a source of pain and sadness for many souls. The relationships we have had with our mothers and fathers, other women  growing up have not set 'healthy' or loving precedents of how to relate in love, or even be truly kind with others. For me I am terrified of judgement and generally avoid interactions where this might happen at all costs where possible or placate something chronic to get people to 'like' me and be nice to me, sad smile, or just throw fear or rage their way and project 'don't get angry at me, don't make me feel afraid and I will do what you want'. I feel I have used this as an 'excuse' to avoid or treat others badly. I am realising this isn't the basis for and doesn't build true, beautiful, close, growing friendships. It is also not based on Truth as God sees it. 

I am starting to feel if we can actually heal each other with kindness and love rather than harsh words and critical gestures this would be a beautiful way forward. I don't feel I am there yet, my old patterns and addictions come up often especially when I feel uncomfortable and afraid, but I can see now the effects of these states and the pain that both women and men are in (including me) is a result of the actions we each choose to take.

I am realising how much and how many people I push away due to fear.

It is exciting I reckon how change is possible. I have so often felt that no-one changes and no-one becomes different. I am loving how this belief is being challenged at the moment and I am being shown how change is possible and that unloving actions can be healed and even intention begins a desire to heal!”

I cannot say how beautiful it is in the soft moments and the contrast to emotional hardness is very noticeable! I wish you well with softening into what ever the Law of Attraction brings you to heal your soul and become at one with God!

*******

* I am still grappling with being in a place of softness all the time on every issue, I am not there yet. I have gotten emotionally hard over the last weeks due to wanting to avoid my terrors and this is what has highlighted (or glaring showed up) the difference between softening and shutdown/emotional hardness.



Thursday, 18 July 2013

Play

This image was inspired by Caroline and the Scholar Spirits she channelled who had forgotten how to engage in play
It is for you (and me) and all those who need to re-discover playing, joy and fun, I hope you enjoy yourselves and find the playful childlike part of you again. (Thanks to my spirit friends for inspiration in images!)

I wish you a wonderful and playful day, have fun discovering who you truly are as God see's you, smile!

Saturday, 25 May 2013

Furphies


Furphies* are something I was introduced to some 6-7 years ago by my gorgeous man Pete. I thought he was making the word up at first and then I found out it meant rumour/gossip/ 'lies or lying'/stretching or diminishing the truth depending on what you want others to believe or hear or telling untruths {bull s#@t*} - I have adopted the word in a big way as I think it sounds pretty cool. (It is Australian slang. Note about Australian slang, it has some pretty funny words and sayings in it and I still don't really 'get it' so have to have the 'joke' explained to me quite a lot - actually come to think of it, most jokes I need to have explained as I don't seem to 'get them').

Anyway the thing about furphies is that I have noticed how many I tell myself and then tell others attempting to convince them and myself I am telling the Truth and am a really Truthful person. What I see in myself is that actually I have not been true to myself, others or you often (if you have read this blog) I have wanted or momentarily felt something, blogged it and then not followed through to the cause of it and really made the heart changes. Or I have loved the thought and momentarily feeling and it has been there but not permanently.

I have blogged a bit about a few things that I felt I had 'gotten' or 'understood' but to be quite frank I have realised it is all a furphy. I have no real true experience in many areas what so ever. I have done a lot of talking, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking and thinking about experimenting and actually I have no idea really about how to go about the experiment as I am still writing it all down in my journal rather than trying it for myself and taking actions. (It is not quite true I have no idea about experimenting, it is just I haven't really truly conducted the soul experiments - Yet).

So why i share this rather speilish speil. I was in a batch of bad self punishment for four days last week, totally high flying with my chocolate cake and everything around me as I sit typing looks like a bomb site (I would photograph it for you and stick it up here but my camera has broken and I feel pretty embarassed about how bad it gets). It felt terrible too for myself and everyone around me, bar the spirits who were laughing at me for doing what they wanted without any protest from myself what-so-ever.

During this very negative soul degrading time I was sitting on the loo**  reading Brene Brown's 'The Gift of Imperfection' (I felt the title indicated the book was personally for me as one who feels they should*** be perfect NOW and I felt that I ought to find out what was good about being imperfect so that I might strive for perfection while accepting that I am imperfect right at this time in God's view) and she was talking about play and fun. Now reading it I felt VERY uncomfortable! In fact I decided to almost skip the chapter. Then I reflected to myself 'wow you have some big issues with play and fun'`. The thoughts have been sitting there all week and I was talking to a therapist and what does she come out and say to me? 'Eloisa how much do you have fun? Do you play with your kids often? Do you schedule time with your man to just have fun and play?'

Well what do you know? I said 'funny you mention that as I have been thinking about it quite a bit this week, I even looked up the institute of play' (thinking I could intellectually get some sort of play instructions and tips- hee hee). I just felt depressed about it to be honest and had the feeling that I didn't want to play, I didn't want to have fun, it was all a waste of time and I didn't have a fun, joyful feelings in me what-so-ever, so what was the point? (Imagine a really pouty version of myself standing in a really fun-to-everybody-else-place stamping a little foot and saying, 'fun, I don't do fun, my life is not FUN, it is too serious, I am too bad to have fun, I can only have fun when - this, when-that...very grumpy little rumpled-stilt-skined type)  I can get pretty negative pretty fast about things.


So I gave up trying in my head. In fact I gave up thinking about it and then just like that, last night these really cheeky feelings started creeping in. I wanted to write things honestly but with some humour - because really they were quite funny in hindsight, I actually giggled and annoyed Pete by telling him jokes that were not funny. And I blogged a pretty hilarious comment on Mary's blog that cracked her up (I was a bit shocked someone else found me amusing too) and cracked me up as I wrote it - but were true and what I have literally been doing. And suddenly it dawned on me that somewhere inside of me there might be a bit of funny-ness and that it could be a possibility in my personality and that I have been missing out somewhat BIG time on all the great feelings (I am not too excited as all the horrid feelings haven't been released yet BUT I felt some HOPE which has not been there for what feels like a very long time). I have to say I am still feeling a bit shocked and scared it will disappear and I will be left all depressed again.

And here is what I realised. I don't know how I got there or why it came up, I want to be able to 'replicate' it and 'bring it on' but I don't actually feel feelings are actually like that now I am investigating my own feelings for myself. The only thing I can link to this is a few days ago when I was trying to make nice with my brother rather than be truthful I sat down on the couch and said:

 'Eloisa how do you really truly feel about this? how do you really, really feel inside of yourself, not what you think you should feel, not what others have told you you should feel or told you is the right way to feel, but what do you feel?' And I felt it. I was angry, bitter, hateful, and then really... really... really... sad. And that was true. It still is - for now.

So I wrote how I really felt as lovingly as I could and it was like magic, the self punishment stopped and I was able to get a bit of perspective and then some hours later the fun bit of me came out and I hadn't even 'tried' for anything. All I had been was real with myself and stopped telling myself the furphies about how great it all is, how well or not well I am doing, how dedicated I am and that it will all work out and what a fabulous relationship I have with my family - 'cos the truth is I don't have a relationship with them at all at this time and there is really no point in pretending I do as that is one big furphy!!

So to sum it all up, I am going to set my intention to get real about how I feel and catch those little, big, fat and thin, nasty and pretending to be nice furphies that I send flying about and examine them closely, find out about them and why I want them so bad in my life. Why I want the furphies instead of the Truths and see if a little bit of that cheeky, fun, funny part of myself can come and play again.




*I thought it was spelt pherfie, sounds like 'fur - fee' turns out to be officially


Furphy (Definition from Australian Dictionary link)

Also spelt, furfie: a false or an unreliable rumour or a yarn. [bull shit]

Just for interest (noun a rumor; Derived from the battle fields of World War I, where rumors seems to follow the water carts which were manufactured in Australia by the Furphy company. The US Navy term: "scuttlebutt" also defines a water keg as well as a rumor. Aboard ship was the water keg, where seamen would at times pass on the latest rumors and news amongst each other as they took time to refresh themselves with a drink. )

**I do a lot of reading on the loo as it is pretty much the only time I make for myself on some days.

*** the perfect I feel I should be is perfect for mum, dad, family and what they think I should be and my extremely critical inner judgemental self who thinks nothing I do never ever good enough (she doesn't believe God loves her much or that God can help her out). I am more than a bit annoyed at what was created in me when I was a kid right now and am harbouring some dark emotions so feel I will leave that for some time in the future when I have actually done something about those and give you some helpful information in surrender and overwhelm.

Right now I can't give you anything in any of those areas as I haven't personally experienced them and I don't think in my heart I even feel like they are such a good idea sometimes. (Imagine a very shrewed shrewish person sitting looking out of my head probably with pointy nose and glasses (looks like me but pointier nose and VERY studious and know-it-all-ee) saying, with a very elocuted accent 'eloisa quite frankly I don't think you need any overwhelm what so ever in your life, controlled, steady, just breathe, you are F-I-N-E...' This is the unhelpful person I listen to often.

On the other side is this lovely gentle soft beautiful creature who lovingly and firmly reminds me, with a joke or two, and many loving smiles that I need to allow myself to be overwhelmed and surrender to all that comes up and allow it out and that way I will heal (she wholeheartedly believes in God, loves God and has God's love in her soul so she actually KNOWS about it and is telling the Truth). She also tells me that I CAN receive God's love and God DOES love me and all I need to do is grow some faith and pray much, much more and grow a true desire for God in my heart. It's that simple anyone can do it!!! Absolutely anyone and that includes yours-truly - ME!


Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Video Link

I was sent this link some time ago and it entered my mind today as thoughts about learning were passing through. 

I don't endorse everything on this video personally but when I watched it there were some parts that I found really exciting and made me think about how much I love learning new things, finding out about new things and also possibilities that I didn't and don't feel apply to me (due to some false beliefs I need to let go of.)

Anyway I thought if you are interested in education and learning you may enjoy watching this too.

If the link doesn't work below I have also added the link you can put in the URL bar and search for it too: http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_build_a_school_in_the_cloud.html?source=email#.UTo5KoN1Bis.email


video


Have a wonderful learning, playful* day!!

* I write that purposefully as it makes me feel uncomfortable. Playful? what is that? I realised sitting on the loo reading Brene Brown's 'The Gifts of Imperfection' that I don't play much and I am not very comfortable playing. Pete has also highlighted this to me. I feel I need to investigate this somewhat.

Monday, 13 May 2013

'sMothers'


Thoughts of mine on Mothers or 'sMothers':

I have been thinking about ‘mothers’ and what a mother is. What did God intend the role of a mother/parent to be? I have been thinking about the ideal that I have about a mother and the reality of my own experiences - of my own (surrogate) mother/s and being a 'mother' myself and how different they have been to what I thought and anticipated. I have also been noticing in myself how reluctant I have been to share my feelings and thoughts honestly about mothers, mothering and how I feel. 

I see how far removed I am, and I feel general society is from what I have heard about God's intentions and design of mothers and the family structure. (I would like to know more in my heart about what  parenting as God intended is like, and how God truly designed it to be in a state of Divine Love and Divine Truth. I feel the first step would be to actually get to know my True Parent and Creator God personally).

I feel that as a generalisation there are ‘Smothers’, ‘neglecters’ or a combo of both. (I am sure that other people have written screeds of intellectual information on all of these things. I merely have a few thoughts and feelings of my own about it from my own experience. Many of these have been angry, disappointed, disillusioned, deeply sad - which are still there to work through, and more). 

I feel that many women (including myself) who think they are ‘mothers' should really be called 'smothers' because they don't really allow the little soul's in their care to be themselves, grow as God intended them too or allow the child's own free will. It is sort of like 'mothers will' and then you will get approval or what often is thought of as 'love'. 

'Mothers' I feel have quite a bit to examine if they were open to it and then see how that actually affects the children. (Probably fathers do also. I talk of mothers as I speak of myself in this post, my own experiences and my experience of ‘mothers’ but maybe where one reads ‘mother/s’ you could substitute ‘parent/s’ 'caretakers' - because often they are taking not giving).

In my own experience I have at times felt overpowered and smothered by my mother’s anger, fear, expectations, demands, investments, needs, neediness and being made liable for many of her emotions. I have also seen the immediate results of myself doing this with the children in our care - almost identically (though I wish I could say I was different, I am not). I have experienced feeling neglected. Feeling like I had no-one I could share painful experiences with, no one to listen to me, no one to protect me or care for me, that what I said, did, or was, was of no importance or significance to anyone, that I was embarrassing and shaming. This may not be how others saw it but this is what it felt like for me as a child. I have also had this reflected to me by 'our'* children.

I have been reflecting on this feeling of being a ‘good mother’ and how I use it to hide just how bad I feel about myself and what a ‘bad mother’ I actually feel I am. I demand emotionally from people, and especially from the children in our care, and set up a facade of being a ‘good mother’ to hide how I truly feel about myself. I am highly invested in 'our' children and examining this brings to light all sorts of interesting discoveries for me about myself (many of which I do not like, judge, and really don't want to be part of me. As an observer I think they are be most interesting as they basically highlight why I behave as I do).

This is an addiction and a damaging place to live ('I'm a good mother' place, it is also demanding and angry) I am just wanting everyone to tell me how good I am to avoid the real feelings that come up of feeling so terrible and like such a 'bad' mother/bad person. I project out to the world ‘think I am a great mum’ in order to get approval, feel like I have a 'job' a 'worth and get attention for something that really I did not create and that I actually have no idea how it was created. I mean if you think about it, I had sex and that was it. I didn’t actually ‘do’ anything else to make a child. God created it to happen so beautifully, seamlessly and effortlessly, it is truly a miracle. 

God took care of the whole thing and no person (I know of) actually fully understands and knows how a baby is created and why the body does what it does and how it does it. We know a few things but really have no idea. We can’t replicate it and yet we feel we are super intelligent. I don’t doubt when we are as God made us that we are super intelligent (though often we don’t act like we are in our current conditions) but I do feel we have a lot of arrogance to claim we know more than our creator about things. God knows best. God always has known best and always will know best, that's just the way it is**, God made us, it's logical she would

From what I understand (intellectually) God is our real parent and as a parent on the earth plane I am but a ‘surrogate’, my role really being only to disclose what I have learnt about God's version of Love and Truth and God, and convey what I have learnt on ‘How to connect to God...’ to the little souls in our care and then they will have the tools to discover the rest***. (I think there is a really great FAQ question session on Parenting coming up on the Divine Truth YouTube FAQ channel if you are interested I know it will be worth a look!!!)


I am experimenting with this at the moment and finding it challenging to my own belief systems, my opinion of myself and how I view what a ‘good mother’ is and ‘should’ be. The self examination and self reflection also brings much joy for me. I think for the first time in the children's lives they are allowed to be themselves a little bit once in a while. I feel that I am still interfering a lot, allowing spirits to interfere a lot and notice when I put damage and beliefs into them often immediately now. It is pretty amazing how transparent the process is when I want to see the affect I am having on them. 

And wow do they learn fast, both (as I judge) 'positively' and ‘negatively’! They grow when they are loved and learn tactics to avoid punishment, rejection, pain or things that will make mum angry or ‘upset’ when not loved. They actually now tell me blatantly that they feel no love from me. Or that I am 'not listening', angry, or that I love this one or that one more and I can see how they feel that. I see how my actions show them these things.

Recently I was writing to a friend that had made some lovely comments about his children and I felt sad that it is not always how I feel about having the gift of three beautiful souls in our care. I was reflecting that if I had allowed myself to be more real and spent some time truly getting to know myself I think I might have waited a while until I had children in order to be more open to loving and giving to them because I desired to love and give to them, rather than take, need, demand, expect and smother them. 

I have not really enjoyed being a mother/parent to be totally honest. It is not as I imagined it to be and it has been really challenging. It has not been ‘perfect’ and it has highlighted a whole lot of stuff that is not ‘nice’ in me and that does not fit the facade and opinion I had created of myself for myself and for others. 

I remember vividly being pregnant and how 'wonderful' I thought that was because I got so much attention for having a life growing in me. I was 'loved', a kind of 'pregnant goddess', I felt I had a superiority to others because 'I was having a baby that was mine', a desire in me for the whole world to know I was pregnant and how 'important' I felt because of it. I was about to become a 'real' woman, a true 'female'. 

I cringe remembering these feelings and I still have a grief in me about when our first little darling emerged into the world and everyone 'smothered' her and I felt totally ignored. I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I felt lonely and 'used'. I had thought becoming a mother would change my life into a perfect 1950's movie script and somehow make me more important or more of a woman or more something and it did none of those things. I was still the same but with a baby to love and care for. I was overwhelmed - how could I love a babe when I hated myself and wanted everyone to love and care for me?**** I was being abruptly confronted with myself, my real motivations, intentions, feelings, thoughts and belief systems about a whole heap of things that before I had been able to strategically avoid through various methods. I decided to continue to avoid and jump out of body, sleep and 'get away' as much as possible. I demanded those around me care for me and the new soul in the world.

In the last couple of months I feel I am beginning to enjoy having children more and more - finally. To be honest it has taken a while (years) and examining my motivations has been pretty confronting (this has only just begun and I have a long way to go and much to heal from the actions I have taken). I did not have the children to just love and give to and aid them in anyway I can to guide them to learn, grow and know God if they want to. I did have children for very selfish reasons and to fill 'gaps' and make me feel loved, special, wanted, important, to meet my demands and so on. 

I have what feels like a lot to feel through in these areas but some things have shifted and I am enjoying the children more and releasing some of the desire I have for total control in order to avoid my fear. I am still fearful, angry, and very controlling, realizing that it is about me not them and if I can own that, then it seems to have a more positive affect upon them ( I am also seeing how much my fear and willingness to honour it harms them, literally, emotionally, spiritually etc). They challenge many things in me constantly - naturally, smile - Charlie brought me a baby snake thinking it was a lizard. They ask me about death, about what happens if you get shot, about why people want to kill each other, animals or themselves. They ask where God lives, what God looks like and how God created everything along with a whole heap of other questions to which I do not know the answers. 

They show me their 'flying' underpants in the wind grinning; wombat testicles that look like love hearts; rainbow lizards; miracles in God's garden that I have overlooked. They tell me about the magic and their dreams - to fly, to have every kind of animal, bird, reptile, creature you can imagine, that is alive, extinct, endangered all living in our garden;  every flower in the whole world. To have EVERYTHING and all of it, and the beauty is they believe it is possible (Which it is, but I have cynicism, anger, fear and grief - I suspect, to work through about it too), the children are unlimited in their desires. They remind me to believe and dream and giggle at things, to notice the small creatures and the feeling inside myself in the moment. They expose my fears literally. Fear is a pretty powerful emotion for creating 'negative' effects, more work and messy situations, of which I have experienced and still do regularly and will until I release the fear I suspect.

Children are reflectors and show up immediately anything that we (parents and the environment around them) are denying, avoiding, unaware of. I have found this frustrating, confronting and pretty helpful as I can see now that they are not 'bad' or 'behaving badly' or that there is anything 'wrong' with them. If I can just own my stuff I notice they express themselves and then head off and play. If I choose to remain in denial they seem to expand in what ever they are doing (generally what I feel to be negative - like demanding or fighting or hitting each other etc to show me my injuries and how I am out of harmony with love and truth in that moment. Sometimes it might be due to me being 'off with the fairies' (as mum used to say) or out of body, when I am self punishing, or avoiding how I really feel and going into guilt instead. Guilt is really fear and in my experience it brings about 'fearfilled' situations such as the children falling over, or being physically hurt.) and it just goes down the crapper very rapidly.

I feel strongly that there are ways to bring up children differently to our own experiences. I believe we are able to love them and be truthful with them as God is with us. I believe if we are willing to be self reflective, self examining, willing to FEEL, look at the emotional investments we have in our children, own our emotions rather than projecting them and feel through all the pain and hurt we have experienced or done to others (forgive and repent); and if we treat everyone including children as we would like to be treated (even if we just did this one thing and stayed present/in our bodies all the time no matter what I feel it would change a whole heap of things!), we can change the world rapidly and ensure generations of children who FEEL really loved. Children who can easily know God personally if they want to or may automatically because they will be open to feeling, will receive divine love and live the principles of God's Love and Truth from conception. How different our world can be! How exciting it is that it is possible!*****



* I always find it interesting how I refer to the children in our care as OUR children, like I own them and they BELONG to me. I actually feel that they do belong to me, and I have some kind of 'rights' over them often. It is frequently demonstrated in how I act towards them and the decisions I make involving them. I have been corrected and intellectually know that actually we are all God's children and every other soul on the planet is our brother and sister but how often do I REALLY TRULY feel this?

**Really we ought to stop arguing, get out our note pads, pay attention and learn as much as we possibly can from the entity that created us because I feel it is safe to assume that my creator would know more about me than I do at this time so why not ask and find out the 'fast' way.

*** I feel that our role as surrogate parents is to guide children by demonstrating what we know about God's Laws, and God's Version of Love and Truth. I feel as a general rule if we treated our children as we would like to be treated and gave them scope to discover the world and God for themselves I feel this would be really great. I don't agree with 'freerange' parenting. I have tried it and it does not teach a child about love or truth, it creates in my experience an opening for a lot of mischief and spirit influence and an excuse for me as the parent to take no responsibility for anything at all. I feel that there are consequences for every action we take - loving or unloving, and God has a beautiful system that teaches us this. We can also show children how this Feedback system works through our own actions. (I think the above is true, but I am hypocritical in my actions. I think I have been told the above rather than felt it in my heart at this time.)

**** To be honest I feel this is one of the reasons I actually had a child was to feel loved by somebody because I didn't feel that. I feel that this is a demand that many parents have on their children and it causes a lot of damage for the child throughout their lives. I believe we as the parents are the ones supposed to love and give to the children around us and in our care, it is up to us to give to them not demand them to give to and love us. If they desire to love us what a beautiful gift but they actually don't have to love us or do what we say or be what we want them to be, yet I know in myself I expect many of these things, in fact I often DEMAND them. In my opinion there is something that I need to look at here and explore and work through so that the children in our care can be 'free' of their mother and make their own decisions based on God's (their true parent) version of Love and Truth (if they desire).

***** For your interest and information, some really great information on parenting that I have found most helpful can be found at: http://www.divinetruth.com  go to > Downloads > Audios and Videos Indexed > 20090307 Human Relationships - Parenting Children S1 & 20090308 Human Relationships - Parenting Children S2, There is an outline, audio and video file. Also keep checking out the YouTube FAQ page as there is an interview on Children and Parenting coming up and should be posted soon which I have no doubt with be awesome and could be challenging.