Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Delight, Desires, Things I like...

I like words.

Delight is such a yummy word. It tastes*. It feels so yum on my tongue and teeth, and it has a whole emotional feeling to it also. There are things that genuinely delight me. It is this light, airy feeling almost like a small leap or a jump that happens within me when I am delighted and I feel the word sort of sounds like it feels. Delight brings to mind an image of when I was a little girl dressed all in white jumping little jumps over things I noticed on the ground**. Or a frog with it's legs out like a star floating up to the surface of the water.

It is like the word 'delicious' it feels that way, and it sounds plump and juicy and delicious. like licking lips that have something tasty on them or a yummy kiss with my man - one that is all plump and luscious 'soft lips' as he would say, rather than my 'sour, tight, closed, angry, uptight lips' - my lips have a personality (read reflect my emotions), smile, actually my whole body reflects every emotion - this has just 'hit' me talking about lips but actually every body part reflects our emotions and I have been told that but actually didn't even intellectually 'get it', but lips yep they definitely reflect emotions.

I really like lips and I really like words, and there are some that I really don't like too. Words are quite remarkable how they can trigger feelings, how they can bring back memories, how they hold emotional charge. Or it could be that it's not the word itself,  but the way they are said, the emotions they are said with.

I re-discovered how much I like words when I auditioned for a concert with a poem. I know poems might sound 'old fashioned'*** but poems can be so powerful, so full of emotion and can bring so much out in such a concise set of words. Each word has been selectively chosen for a specific, precise purpose. Each word can be loaded, has meaning, has depth, depths. Each word speaks for itself, it is emotive and can trigger us to be emotional.

I love words.

I love language.

In fact I might even have a passion for it. 

How tentative I am to utter my passions and desires. I want to keep them all locked up and hidden and not tell anyone in case they don't work out or incase someone doesn't approve, or incase I am really 'bad' at them, incase they are addictions..., incase...., incase... so much False Expectations Appearing Real!!!

Another word I like is Desire - though it holds as I judge it 'negative' connotations for me also but I like it. I like what it implies, what it means, what it holds, it's potential, and the sound of it on my tongue! I like Desire!!!****

The word Desire brings me to discovering some passions and desires. One being shoe making. I have actually wanted to make shoes for a long time (since I was about 13) and finally I have learnt how. I am finding that I have many ideas and thoughts and downloads and lots of help from my friend Michael (and maybe other spirits too) who was a shoe maker a couple of centuries ago. But I have yet to make up all the ideas physically and that is bringing up a number of emotions that I have had 'hidden' away from myself for some time. It is actually quite cool to discover what is inside me through doing something I like. And I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like making shoes, thinking about shoes, talking to Michael about shoes, designing shoes, making shoes. 

I will write more on shoes at another time. For now I hope you enjoy exploring and discovering and adventuring into some of your passions and desires and maybe taste a few words and see how they feel. smile.

Dear God

Thank you for desires, passions, Truth, Love, for words, language, feet, shoes, spirits, for felt, nylon, investigation, ideas, never ending possibility, and a various, variety of delightful things. For kisses, frogs, sunlight, string and wonder, for people who inspire. Thank you for creating so many never ending wonders for us to discover! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!



*I have always liked 'tasting' words, feeling them around in my mouth, experimenting with how they sound and 'feel' and what they taste like. It is fun. I like finding words I don't know and what they actually mean (many words 'officially' mean more than what we use them for), how the word has changed over time and what it mean't in times gone by or how it used to be used and how it is now used. Words change and move. I get disappointed in myself that I don't choose to remember all I find out about words and I don't remember many very tasty words. What I do remember is the feeling I had discovering them and how excited I felt exploring and investigating words and their history or a 'new' word I had found popping up all over the place once I had noticed it (very much like the Law of Attraction). When I move through the emotion maybe I will remember it all once again. 

** interesting how words are emotionally charged, I reckon I might feel quite differently about this word when I am at one with God and maybe even in a year or two, in fact words directly influence and affect me emotionally all the time.

***I love the art of the spoken word. Poetry spoken or read aloud. Stories told, spoken, read aloud. Songs. The spoken word when it is spoken with emotion or to evoke emotion, when it is given as a gift it is beautiful! Also songs are poetry though sometimes we forget that.

****I feel like I am personifying or emotifying words, giggle, giving them personality and things that they may not be for others, so read this as very Eloisa's emotions based and feel out if it fits for you or not.

An Observation

I have been observing myself more closely lately. I have noticed some things, one of those being how easily I will focus on the negative and not even acknowledge the positive. A total opposite to 10 years ago when I absolutely under no circumstance would allow anything negative to exist (it was a big fat lie but I really thought if I focused on the positive it would all be okay and would actually be positive, even though my life FELT really, really crap).

What I have been seeing lately is that there are enjoyable and wonderful things in my life and there are actually some things in me that are quite remarkable - or at least possibly can be if I allow them.

We had Environment Day today and it is the first time I have actually 'been able too' participate. Usually my emotions are so full on that the children in our care reflect them at me demanding my attention the whole time and I feel useless (though don't usually FEEL it, but live in it) and either leave or punish myself that I am doing nothing. 

Today was different. Today I saw gifts that God has given us, that are there if I desire to see them. 

I discovered trees growing in the tall, tall grass, gave them a little bit of breathing room and gave them a new bed of mulch which I really enjoyed. We noticed one particular tree that felt like it had been planted with so much love and it is totally reflecting that. It is bouncing out of it's mulch and growing, growing, growing!

The man I enjoying being with most in the world was there and we talked and did some things together, it was fun and I liked being with him in the sunshine, I really, really like him and WANT to hang out with him*.

I made sand castles with the children** and they showed me a frog who put it's legs out like a star and floated to the top of the water in a swale to breath; a dragonfly newly hatched and drying it's wings on a blade of grass, it was so new that it was all white yellow waiting for the sun to 'set' it; a fluffy brown spider with three bumps on it's back; nomadic parrots that we have not spotted before - red, yellow, green and blue (but the colours are not just those they are indescribable really and an experience, I am looking forward to feeling colours much more).

The sun was warm, there were people who were giving to the earth and I enjoyed being with them. 

Thank you God. Life can be fun, beautiful, and it truly is a gift!

I am grateful!

* Sometimes I am VERY VERY NEEDY and he tends to head off to do some jobs rather than hang out with me - I don't blame him actually it is pretty stifling to be with a needy lady! And sometimes it is really delicious - I look forward to feeling that much more of the time.

**It is such a gift to have beautiful souls in our care who are so excited about discovering all sorts of things and who investigate and explore, they show me things I ignore or would not notice and they come out with the most beautiful questions like - 'do each of my toes have brains?' smile - these questions delight me.

Thursday, 9 February 2012

Image - Facade & Fear

Dear God 

Please can I grow my courage and humility and grow my faith and Trust in you.


** Pete thinks it looks more like a horror movie with a raging 'devil'  or spirit emerging from the woman - that fits too at the moment.